Facebook Confidential - revisited

Good Morning!
I have another installment of Facebook Confidential - that is, the facebook status updates that are not socially appropriate for all, but find their way to my blog in a snarky, morning-tv watching, caffeine-induced frenzy. Rude, funny, pathetic & true. Is this my lifestyle tag-line?

No, Kathie Lee, everyone does NOT have a story.

Is it justified to spend $26 on the ferry just to go find the Full House row house in SF?

Favorite TV awkward moment: when the announcer, anchor, interviewer attempt to linguistically pronounce a word correctly - like Buenos Aires (Buay-nos I-rees) for example - and then trip over the next 3 words. Did that fake Spanish just take it right out of ya?

I may or may not have finally disposed of my Christmas tree. In the yard waste recycling bin. It was sticking out. I'm horrified.

Is rap aging? Isn't it weird that the top rap artists in the country are only 10 years from AARP?

Ok, I don't claim to be the most brilliant human on the planet, but even I am suspicious of the US Mint selling $2 bills for $30. $2 bills are "exclusive"? We are still talking about US currency, right - as in, the dirtiest items around - usually covered in feces & STD's?

You would think by my age, I wouldn't still be receiving 5 W-2's.

Thank god the seahawks are done doing whatever it is they do. So tired of hearing about it on fb. Luckily, fb has been reclaimed by mommies & diarrhea - good thing cause I can't go 12 hours without hearing about a child's bowel movement.

Carlee Stellfox Loya just zoned out & lost 47 minutes of her day.

This UPHEAVAL over our changing horoscopes is just further evidence that we are SO obsessed with ourselves. Just read your new horoscope & do exactly what you did with your old one "Oh my gosh, that's SO me".

Oooh, ya know what, if you have an "amazing life" - keep it to yourself.

Nothing says community like seeing the girl who talks to herself & the guy who gets the ambulance called to his house once a week, sharing a ciggie on the porch next door. Ah.

Hey Kashi, your 'seven whole grains on a mission' is so boring. I recommend something like, 'seven varieties of grain whiskey on a mission'. Now, THAT's someone I want knocking on my door at breakfast time.

I'm tired of learning things. Giada just told me that pecora in Italian means sheep. Who cares.

I have the most amazing husband in the world! If you ALSO have the most amazing husband in the world, repost this to your status with the last three things your amazing husband said to you! could you NOT / what, exactly, is wrong with you / your driving makes me want to kill myself.

It's a life primed for excellence when you look outside, realize your car has NOT been stolen in the night & think "man, I really got the world on a string!"

I'm really not interested in taking sexiness advice from Suzanne Somers. Just because you invented the thigh master doesn't give you an all-access pass to my sexiness.
[ok, the phrase "my sexiness" is phenomenal]

Failed: I thought I wouldn't be interested in my left-over Christmas candy if I put it under the sink with the chemicals. Uh...the third arm I'm growing will be nicknamed 'snickers'. OMGa does eating things under the sink qualify me for that new show "My Strange Addiction"?! [by the way, have you seen the previews for the newest one where the guy lives with a blow-up doll as husband & wife?!?! Don't think she'll be reposting the amazing husband update above.]

Next on My Strange Addiction: the revelation that tea party princess Michelle Bachmann is actually a blow-up doll.

You know you're in a bad mood when you've said "no shit sherlock" 5 times before 9 am, to the tv, with conviction. Do I really feel better condescendingly using the world's oldest phrase on people who can't hear me?

There is a direct correlation between the number of times you use "I'm just the kind of person who..." and the number of drinks I require to care.*
*where did this 'conversation starter' come from? Have you noticed people saying this a LOT recently? Make it stop.

"It's the kind of meal you can eat without admitting to yourself that you're eating" - YES, this is why I'm so obsessed with Nigella Lawson.

The guaranteed way to get me to change the channel is for someone to use the word "dog" - as in, "what up dog". Click.

Are Jillian Michaels & Paula Deen in some dark contest for who can back the crappiest products? Related: why can't Bob Harper be on commercials all day long? :)

Christmas is officially over, my coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer is no longer in stores. this is not The Worst thing to happen to me, but shockingly close. Until November, fair lover!

Sometimes I think about my sisters & I having a reality show like the Kardashians. But, instead of their glitz & glam, it would be us sitting around, in sweats, talking about peppermint mocha creamer, chihuahuas & the pathetic Snohomish County library system. I hear the sponsors calling now! "This episode of The Stellfoxes brought to you by Weight Watchers, Belvedere, Astra Zeneca & Burgerville".

Have a great Thursday - xo