I get that Kathie Lee is a Today Show co-host, but is it necessary to play HER Christmas track in the background of the 4-hour plus morning show? It's robbing me of my favorite show. Well, not robbing me, but I'm blind from poking my eyes out by the time the 10 o'clock hour rolls around.
Why don't I ever go outside?? I'm mostly referring to that feeling I get over those new REI Christmas commercials where the people are eating peanut butter on the mountain top & they say something about stars? GAAAA, I look at that & I'm like, why don't I go outside? That looks so nice! Then I pour myself another drink & get over it.
People need to learn how to wear stocking caps. Why are so many people wearing hats with the big (forgive me for lack of a better term) reservoir tip on the top of their heads? Pull the damn hat down or get a new one. This cannot be fashionable. Example, right.
Jaywalking. I am GOING to hit someone in Vallejo. People are sauntering out into the street at every moment - but here's what I don't get - there is no sense of urgency! If I was jaywalking across 4 lanes of traffic, I'd be running like a fat kid to cake. I'm sure I'd trip on a lane line or something, but I'd be RUNNING FOR MY LIFE. These guys? Nah. They're just strollin', as if to say "you won't hit me lady". Oh really? My husband would recommend you not bet your life on my driving skills.
While I'm on my favorite topic of my favorite ghetto, I don't understand the whole concept of security guards. I mean, I get it, but it's so strange. For example, last night, we leave the restaurant, the security guard bids us a good night. So, there's a security guard at a restaurant. At a SUSHI restaurant. If sushi restaurants are the new social center for gang violence, I have no reason to go on living.
Why are White Pass & Yukon Route hats every where I go? Yesterday. Vallejo. Hat. Further confirmation that absolutely everyone on the planet has been on an Alaska cruise. I always want to say something, but I chose dignity & move on.
How bad does grocery cart theft have to be for a store to enact a no-cart-out-of-store policy? Thank you Solano County Safeway stores for this little cultural experience. Surrounding the store is a thick, yellow line painted on the ground - about 6 feet from the exit (just past the security guard). Safeway has employed some military technology or something to STOP grocery carts from entering the parking lot. Are you getting this visual? You go through the automatic doors, past the armed guard & your cart screeches to a halt. Now, in your cart, you have (for exmaple): a case of MGD 64, eight 32 ounce bottles of Coffeemate Peppermint Mocha creamer (it was on sale?), a handle of Gordon's, 13 avocados & a 5 pound brick of pecorino romano. You look down at this menagerie & up at your car approximately 40 yards away. How the- what the- uh-...Now, you're in Vallejo, so no way in hell you're leaving anything unattended while you run your treasures to the car in separate trips. You can imagine what comes next - shopping bags all the way up both arms, cases of beer balanced precariously on the saddle bags as I waddle the 40 yards to the car. DARK!!!! How'd you hurt your back? Oh, you had to buy beer. Got it.
I don't understand why I'm suddenly so drawn to the clothes at Costco. Am I getting that lame? IS that lame? Are the clothes getting cuter or am I distracted by the onset of my hunter-gatherer instincts for samples? I mean, I am not exactly a fashionista. But, ... No, ya know, I'm stopping there. Of COURSE I'm attracted to clothes at Costco. I'm hideous.
Why does the Charlize Theron J'adore D'ior commercial make me think maybe I WAS a lesbian in a previous life?
Can we just come to a social consensus that yogurt, no matter how delicious, NEVER TASTES LIKE KEY LIME PIE, or chocolate mouse, or strawberry shortcake. Thanks for playing, Yoplait. You don't fool me, even if your name is oddly French.
Happy Friday! Back to pursuing enlightenment on morning television.
